We have been keeping a secret. Kinda sorta a big one. Some know, some don’t so here it goes…
💜Almost nine years ago tragedy struck our home, with no turning back. We immediately moved out of our house and I honestly thought I would never ever look back.
“Do you know what losing a child gives you? Terrible, vistaril
pain and overwhelming sense of failure. And then there’s the surprising one, kind of freedom nothing matters not ever again so you’re capable of anything….” ~Jimmy Baxter, actor Michael Stuhbarg from the limited series Your Honor
🩵Well something told me it was time to tie up loose ends. After SEVERAL panic attacks and learning how to breathe all over again I asked the ones who cleaned up the terror along with my sister-in-law (who found him with my mother-in-law) where he was. We then decided to 100% remodel the house and eventually move back in.
💜The storm (tornado) we had two years ago started the entire process. We knew then that this was what we needed to do. For our own sanity and peace of mind.
🩵Joe has been working tirelessly on the house to make sure it doesn’t look ANYTHING like it did before. He has moved doors to new walls, replaced and added more windows, taken down entire walls, rebuilt closets, made “the boys” (now Riot’s) bathroom larger, opened up the kitchen to where I have a 10ft island, custom cabinets in kitchen and laundry room, moved where the fridge is, built a Murphy Door pantry, relocated the backdoor/replaced with French doors, relocating the fireplace, new paint, paint and paint haha, and eventually a new master bathroom. I knew for MY own peace of mind that I wouldn’t be able to live in a home where I saw the bad overpowering the good.
💜Our intentions were to move in when half of the house was done so we could work on the rest while IN the house. Life happened and several weeks ago we moved in a tad sooner than expected. Not everything we wanted was ready but it was definitely move-in-able. Every day we come home to work on something but in due time this house will be brand new. It is a work in progress, including the outside. It’s not the prettiest but eventually will be.
🩵Well this is my current story. I suppose never say never 🙃. Am I 100% thrilled to be back in the super dusty dirty country? Nope. But here we are. The good thing is the house will one day be a showcase for Joe’s business 🤩 and he officially has a vendetta for Pinterest. Any time I start a sentence out with “oh! I saw something on Pinterest!” He cringes.
💜We no doubt believe Zane is with us here in the house. He’s shown his presence a time or two. I thought it was going to bother me the first time being alone in the house but I was ok. It was kind of calming and almost and I mean ALMOST on the road to healing.
🩵Please, if you are in any way having suicidal thoughts, call someone…like me or the AFSP hotline.
1-800-273-8255 or
Text TALK to 741741 or dial 988 #flyhighzane #suicidesucks #newbeginnings
July 26th 