The Other Side

For the last 8 years, I feel like I’ve been living someone else’s life. Nothing is the same except a few constant people that never left. But oh so many filed out of the room one by one. It’s ok tho, I’m a big girl and I only cry when I need to.

“Voices, a thousand, thousand voices
Whispering, the time has passed for choices
Golden days are passing over, yeah
I can’t seem to see you baby
Although my eyes are open wide
But I know I’ll see you once more
When I see you, I’ll see you on the other side
Yes, I’ll see you, I’ll see you on the other side”

This year, 2025, has been rough. In January I lost Billy Bob. In May I lost my sweet momma. In June I lost Gina. And a dear friend lost his dad. These firsts are terrible, as we all know. First Mother’s Day, her birthday, my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas without Mom. I only had my momma for 47 years. That’s not long enough. I miss her so much but I can’t tell you how freaking jealous I am of Mom, Gina and Billy Bob because they’re all with Zane. Mom got to slap the shit outta him before I did. Not fair. The world also lost Ozzy. I will elaborate on Mon Amie (Gina) and Billy Bob in another blog post.

“Leaving, I hate to see you cry
Grieving, I hate to say good-bye
Dust and ash forever, yeah
Though I know we must be parted
As sure as stars are in the sky
I’m gonna see when it comes to glory
And I’ll see you, I’ll see you on the other side
Yes, I’ll see you, I’ll see you on the other side”

About two months ago Joe, Riot and I were sitting in the living room talking. I cannot remember what started the conversation but it was about the TVs of the 80s-ish (boob tubes 😂) then quickly went to cassette tapes. Riot being 15 has never actually seen a cassette tape…total mom fail. So Joe went to the game room and grabbed one from our antient stereo system set up holding records, CDs and cassettes. Riot looked at the tape and said “Ozzy Osbourne?” Mom fail #2. Sheesh. So I said ummm Post Malone “Take What You Want” and he said ” OHHH!”. Again, ugh.

“Never thought I’d feel like this
Strange to be alone, yeah
But we’ll be together
Carved in stone, carved in stone, carved in stone
Hold me, hold me tight I’m falling
Far away, distant voices calling
I’m so cold, I need you darling, yeah
I was down, but now I’m flying
Straight across the great divide
I know you’re crying, but I’ll stop you crying”

Those little moments make it easier to move forward. Never “move on” but forward. Just until we see the other side. And oh boy will we see some beautiful things and I won’t have many to disagree.

“When I see you, I see you on the other side
Yes, I’ll see you, see you on the other side.
I’m gonna see you, see you on the other side
God knows I’ll see you, see you on the other side, yeah
I’ll see you, see you on the other side
I’m gonna see you, see you on the other side
God knows I’ll see you, see you on the other side
I want to see you, yeah, yeah, yeah, see you on the other side
God knows I’ll see you, see you on the other side
I’m gonna see you, see you on the other side”

‘See You On The Other Side’ ~ Ozzy

Zane, Momma Sue, Mon Amie, Billy Bob, Elinda, Kayla, Kelly and oh so many more…my tears are for you. Another trip around the sun has not made my heart hurt any less but I can at least smile from time to time.

Please, if you are in any way having suicidal thoughts, call someone…like me or the AFSP hotline.
1-800-273-8255 or
Text TALK to 741741 or dial 988 #flyhighzane #suicidesucks