There are so many Grinches in this world. Period. Yeah I tend to be one every now and then, I totally admit it but I don’t see many others coming out and raising their hands saying they can’t keep their opinions to themselves.
Here’s my dilemma…more with the Facebook/Internet warriors than with anyone…decorating for Christmas.
November 1st Joe got my boxes out of the attic. That meant I started my #Christmasholidayglitterextravagandareindeer7treesmantlepianoandtheentirefrontyard. Yep we go overboard. Why? Because we can. And we have one main reason. Zane. This is a distraction.
For anyone who has lost a child, I KNOW you understand why we do this early and why we go all out. This fills our void, temporarily. Overboard is an understatement if you’ve driven by 😂. Griswold’s? Maybe. Or National Lampoons, whatever.
When we abruptly moved out of our old house when Zane died and I never went back in, I threw away ALL of my Christmas decorations. I didn’t think I would even put up a tree that year. I had NOTHING to celebrate the holidays for. My son was dead. Why? I was convinced 2017 was going to be a shitty Christmas.
…”I’m still holdin’ on to everything that’s dead and gone
In The Stars ~ by Benson Boone
I don’t wanna say goodbye, ’cause this one means forever
And now you’re in the stars and six-feet’s never felt so far
Here I am alone between the heavens and the embers
Oh, it hurts so hard
For a million different reasons
You took the best of my heart
And left the rest in pieces…”
That November I walked into Walmart to get a few things and something hit me. Like slapped me in the face hit me. I needed to decorate for Christmas. I called Joe, said we needed a new tree and off we went. I knew exactly how I was going to dress my new tree along with the colors but as picky as I am the selection was brutal. Each piece I cried but I knew they were perfect. White 🤍 and purple 💜. Angel wings, feathers, crystals, snowflakes, purple ribbon. My Zane tree came to life in 2017.
It’s now my new tradition to start the decorating process on November 1st. It gives me a minor amount of joy. Now that we are in a bigger house than that tiny rent home, I have a few more trees to compliment my main tree. When I say a few I mean 7 total with the mantle, piano and dining room table all done up. And let’s not talk about the front yard. That’s Joe’s domain. I had to put a cap on it this year 🤦🏻♀️.
I have been taking baby steps since July 26, 2017. Letting small things back into my life, small reminders of Zane. I wanted a new tree this year to give us a new beginning after the last two years of hell that we have gone thru. We needed to “get rid” of bad memories in our home that were associated with someone who hurt us so I ordered a new Zane tree. This time in black. The tree I threw away in 2017 was black. Baby steps. New beginning.
‘Til I got my invitation to the lunatic ball
‘Symptom of Being Human ‘ ~ by Shinedown
And my friends are comin’ too
How about you?
Don’t worry, it’s all just a symptom of being human
If you haven’t heard the song I just quoted you’re missing out. Go listen, you’ll thank me. Christmas brings the lunatic out in Joe and I. We miss our child so much, so much that we can’t even put it into words.
So if you pass by our house and ask why, mind your own business 😂🫢. And if I tell you I have 6 elegantly decorated slim 7ft trees and one 9ft huge black tree decorated for my sweet boy plus a front yard of 20+ inflatables and I see a reaction on your face….I will not try to defend myself. It’s OUR house, we are the ones with the empty chair, we are the ones who buried our child, so we officially reserved the right to decorate as we please ❤️❤️❤️.
July 26th 